Holding on

I am the Captain of a ship with torn ragged sails, the madame of a whorehouse of lepers, the queen of a devastated kingdom.
I look at my bittersweet life and my heart sinks... how long will I keep staring with empty eyes? When will my muffled cries be heard? When will my eyes shed tears of joy?
In the emptiness of the night I bite my pillow and I feel burning tears roll down my cheeks. They make my soul ache, they isolate me, stab my deep within...
Dressed in layers I face cold spring morning. My limbs are warm as cloth protects them from the chilly breeze... my chest open and unprotected takes in the tiny blades of ice, stinging, beating, hurting...
My eyes empty of any spark water as I lay my things ready for class... they long for some rest, they are hungry for your smile...
I hear the sounds of living, way back in the distance, traffic, doors, people coming and going... I hide myself in my small stony world of misery... and I draw a faint smile on my face.
Waiting, longing, pleading for all this to stop... wishing you were here... cursing at this mean God that plays tricks on me... playing poker with my hopes... holding on to my love...